Denying Myself

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Job 22:21-28
21 “Agree with God, and be at peace;
thereby good will come to you.
22 Receive instruction from his mouth,
and lay up his words in your heart.
23 If you return to the Almighty you will be built up;
if you remove injustice far from your tents,
24 if you lay gold in the dust,
and gold of Ophir among the stones of the torrent-bed,
25 then the Almighty will be your gold
and your precious silver.
26 For then you will delight yourself in the Almighty
and lift up your face to God.
27 You will make your prayer to him, and he will hear you,
and you will pay your vows.
28 You will decide on a matter, and it will be established for you,
and light will shine on your ways.

Mark 8:34-35
34 And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it.

Job's friend, Eliphaz, pegs Job as a wicked person because of the evidence of his situation. Job was indeed not to blame, but Eliphaz judges him as wicked because he did not understand that God allows the innocent to suffer for His glory. Those who view God as this philanthropist and genie to the righteous, will be prone to being judgmental, which itself is a sin. However, although Eliphaz is indeed judging Job incorrectly, he does offer some Godly advice which is, when one is sinning, one must agree with God in repentance and God is faithful to save. Jesus further explains this when He says that anyone who wants to follow Jesus must first deny himself and then take up his cross. We cannot follow Jesus if we still want our ways to be fulfilled or blessed.

I've been praying on this decision for several days now. In my heart, I feel like I would like to stop working at the end of November. But my superiors all seem to agree with me working up until I give birth. I want to follow Jesus, but am I denying myself? What does that look like? Is denying myself trusting in God to provide the extra finances needed when I step out of work early? Or is denying myself letting go of what I want, which is less stress and more free time to get things in order at home, and bearing a cross until my next season as a mother begins? For me, it's easier to deny myself of money at this point. But since it's easier, does that mean that it's not denying myself at all? What I really want is to be home already and not worry about the logistics of the musical, the demands of the office place, and the pressure to strive for excellence in ministry. Is that really where Jesus is? Am I truly following Him? What I desire, is what Eliphaz says in Job 22:28, you will decide on a matter, and it will be established for you, and light will shine on your ways. I need that light. I need a decision on this matter. I feel like yesterday, my heart turned a little more towards working up until I give birth. Not because it seems more "holy", but because it seems more responsible. However, I feel like working up until I give birth will open me up to resentment. I'll be all salty because I did what was expected of me and not what I really wanted to do. I don't want to be resentful. I want to enjoy what I've always enjoyed doing which is ministry and working hard. However, being pregnant and working hard don't go hand in hand. Everyday, I feel more and more called to staying home. Everyday, I desire more and more to get the house in order and to improve in my role as a wife. I feel unable to do those things if I am still working a full time job. But, then again, shouldn't I just step up to the plate? Shouldn't I just bear the cross and strive to improve at things at home even though I am still working?

Father, please hear my cry. I need Your forgiveness, I need Your wisdom. Lord, I desire to be obedient to You above all things. Lord, if You want me to work until I give birth, please make it so clear to me. Please help me to be at peace with it in my heart. Keep me free from the bondage of resentment. Lord, if it is Your will for me to leave work early, please shed light on that decision. Lord, I want to follow You. Help me to truly deny myself so that I can take up my cross and follow You. I lift my face up to You, Father. In the name of Jesus Christ, please save me from making a poor decision. Jesus, draw me close to You so that I do not stray from Your path. Thank You for loving me, Lord. I love You. I want to be more like You. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, I pray, Amen.

Demons

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Mark 1:34 And he healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons. And he would not permit the demons to speak, because they knew him.

Mark is telling of Jesus' ministry in Capernaum. It says that Jesus casted out many demons and those demons knew Jesus. Demons know exactly who Jesus is and what Jesus will do to them. Jesus didn't even allow the demons to speak because they would proclaim Jesus' identity as the Holy one of God.

Why didn't Jesus let the demons speak? Well, I suppose the demons would have tried to use their words to manipulate and deceive. Jesus didn't want His these demons to taint His ministry. What kind of demons are there today? Spirits of lust, sickness as a result of sin, and others that I can't even discern yet. Demons are worshiped in other religions. They are dark things that creep into one's heart and flesh to control and manipulate. So what do I do about demons? They are very real. They are just as real as Jesus is. I need to ask Jesus to silence and rebuke the demons in my life. I also need to discern what is from God and what is not from God. Even demons know Jesus, so I can't just assume that anything or anyone who knows Jesus' name or identity is of God. I need to ask God for His wisdom. I need to know Jesus intimately myself so that I am not led astray by false teachings.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word. Please forgive me for being comfortable with being gullible. Help me to have a discerning spirit. Please forgive me of all my sins, intentional and unintentional. Keep me from straying. Silence all the demons in my life so that I only hear Your truth and Your will. I pray all these things, in the name of my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, Amen.

God's Word Will Overcome

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Acts 19:20So the word of the Lord continued to increase and prevail mightily.

Paul was preaching in Ephesus and many miracles were happening. But the Bible says that the word of the Lord is what continued to increase and prevail mightily. It is God's word that has power and strength. It wasn't religious sentiment that prevailed, it wasn't the church that increased, it was the Word of the Lord.

So often, I find myself asking God to increase my faith, my righteousness, etc. when really, it is His word that must prevail. God even makes this available to me in abundance because He has already spoken. If I need to hear from God, I just need to turn to His word, the Bible. This morning, I allowed my flesh to proceed God's word. I was not slow to speak. I just said what was on my mind and it was not kind, life giving, or gentle. I regret that little remark. I was tired, but that is no excuse for consciously allowing my self control to flee. I need to repent. I need to try harder. I keep asking God to help me, but I need to help myself now. I need His word. That is what will prevail and overcome my flesh.

Heavenly Father, please forgive me for sinning. Lord, purify my heart and strengthen me with Your word. Lord, I love You. I love my husband. I do not want to be a doer of wickedness. Cleanse me and make me whole again. I ask this in the precious name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Jesus overcame the grave

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Job 14:11 & 12
11As waters fail from a lake
and a river wastes away and dries up,
12so a man lies down and rises not again;
till the heavens are no more he will not awake
or be roused out of his sleep.

Job did not understand salvation. Here he states the fate of man without God's grace, which is permanent death. When Jesus came, He overcame this fact. He did not lay in the ground when He died. He rose again. Also, Job asks how a clean thing can come from an unclean thing. He is referring to the sin that is passed on from generation to generation. However, Jesus overcame this too. He is the only one who was not born into the bondage of sin because he was not a result of consummation between a man and wife but a result of God's Holy Spirit filling a womb. During Job's trial, we are shown that there was little hope in the world because salvation was so far away. Now that Jesus has come, we are super blessed to have salvation so near because Jesus is the bridge to close that gap.

Acts 17:27 & 28
27 that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, 28for

"'In him we live and move and have our being';

Paul here is addressing the Greeks and explaining that God designed us to seek Him out yet, He is not far from us. Paul also emphasizes that it is only when we are living in God's will do we truly live and have purpose. The Greeks were searching in all the wrong places for their gods, so Paul was making it clear to them that they were so close, because God is not far from them, yet they are so off target because they get caught up worshiping false idols. Paul also tells them that God has given mankind assurance of His sovereignty because He sent Jesus and raised Him from the dead.

Today, I really see a lot of scripture linking together. It seems kind of hard for me to write down all the revelation I am getting, so I'll touch on a few of them. First of all, God sent Jesus to overcome death so that we might believe and hope in God. If I do not believe in Jesus' resurrection, then my hope in God has no basis. God wrote that He would send salvation through His Son from the very beginning, but it had to happen in His perfect timing. Also, God's purpose for Jesus is to draw us closer to Him. If I do not know Jesus, then I cannot draw near to the Father. There are some Christians that overlook Jesus' ministry and just worship and try to get to God on their own. This is not an impossible way of reaching God, but they would be drawing closer to God if they worked on knowing His Son better. How will I be different today because of what I read? Well, I will impress it in my heart the urgency to explain to others of Jesus' resurrection for our salvation. Just as Paul proclaimed it boldly in Greece, I need to proclaim it to those who are seeking God around me. I can't just say that God is my God and leave it at that. I need to point them towards Jesus and what He overcame to fulfill God's will, which is to draw every man to Himself.

Heavenly Father, please help me to continue to meditate on all this today. Lord, may this morning's devotion change me completely. May I not remain the same. Forgive me for sinning, Lord. I place my hope in You. Thank You for sending Your Son and Jesus, thank You for being obedient to Your Father's will. I pray for Your will to be done in my life. Please protect and bless my husband and my baby within my womb. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

God is the Author

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Job 9:23 & 24
23When disaster brings sudden death,
he mocks at the calamity of the innocent.
24 The earth is given into the hand of the wicked;
he covers the faces of its judges—
if it is not he, who then is it?

Acts 13:28 & 29
28And though they found in him (Jesus) no guilt worthy of death, they asked Pilate to have him executed. 29And when they had carried out all that was written of him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb.

Job understood that God is always in control. So often people place satan in control when bad things happen. They say that satan is attacking them, as if God has let down His guard or taken a vacation leaving an open point of attack. Job never once mentions satan or the devil. He doesn't even acknowledge that satan exist nor that he has power. Job doesn't blame satan for his lot, instead, he knows that God is ultimately in control and that if this is happening to him, God must want it to happen to him. Jesus was without sin. He was blameless and guiltless. Yet, God wanted Him to be a sacrifice for the salvation of the world, and Jesus welcomed God's will. The important thing to see here is that Jesus' life was a fulfillment of what was written. God has already written out the story of my life, just as He had already written out the story of Job's life. It's not true, nor is it righteous to point to satan as the author of our fate, even if we are struggling through trials and pain.

So often, I'm like Eve, pointing to the serpent and saying, "He caused me to sin." The devil cannot make me do anything that God has not already determined. Why do I give the devil so much power? Why do I even acknowledge him? Yes, I acknowledge that spiritual warfare is happening. Yes, I know that satan does desire me to sin, but is he as powerful as God? No way! He can't do a thing without God already knowing about it. Why then do I use the devil as a scapegoat whenever I sin? Truly, when I sin, it is because I am the one choosing disobedience and God already knew I would choose it. God is almighty. He is supreme. He is all knowing. He has my life written out. Is that something I should be upset about? No! Why should I be? Do I have any right to be angry that the Creator of all things has a plan for me? No way! If He created me, then I must have a specific purpose. If he created me, then I must have a plan attached to my design. If in this plan, he ordains trials, suffering, and persecution for my life, do I have any right to be angry at Him? No. But do I get angry at Him sometimes? Yes. Do I blame satan for the bad stuff in my life? Yes. Are those sins? Definitely. Woah. That is some major conviction. Today and always, may I make it a point to know in my heart and mind and show in my actions that God is always in control. He is the author of my life, and I'm so glad for that.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the revelation that occurred in me today. I know that You chose this day to be the day that I understand Your sovereignty and almighty power. Forgive me, Lord, for sinning. Among other things, I've given satan power in my life that he truly does not have, I've exalted my own will above Your perfect will, and I've prayed for others that Your will would somehow change so that they could change from a bad situation to a good one. But Lord, I'm sorry. I don't want to contribute to this false notion that we can change Your ultimate plan. I want Your will to be done. I pray for Your will to be done. It is the best and it is for good. Lord, thank You for being the author of my life. I thank You for the purpose You have created me for. I praise You, Lord. I love You. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.

Illusions vs Truth

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Acts 8:9-13
9But there was a man named Simon, who had previously practiced magic in the city and amazed the people of Samaria, saying that he himself was somebody great. 10They all paid attention to him, from the least to the greatest, saying, "This man is the power of God that is called Great." 11And they paid attention to him because for a long time he had amazed them with his magic. 12But when they believed Philip as he preached good news about the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. 13Even Simon himself believed, and after being baptized he continued with Philip. And seeing signs and great miracles performed, he was amazed.

This passage tells of Simon, a magician in the city of Samaria, who claimed to be great and powerful. Simon's magic tricks had the people amazed and the people focused their attention upon him. I can just imagine Simon walking through the streets, greatly revered because of his mystical "powers". But in Simon's heart, he knew that he was only fooling the people. His illusions were indeed mysterious, but none the less, they were still illusions. Then Philip enters Samaria and is proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. The people are compelled to listen to Philip praising and glorifying the Son of God who came to overcome the laws of death and sin for the people's salvation. The people in Samaria were searching for something amazing. They thought they had that with Simon, but when they heard the truth, they believed and were baptized. Even Simon believed Philip! He must have also been wanting to believe in something truly amazing and miraculous.

I think this passage really stands out to me because I have been a magician's assistant for about 8 years. I personally know that it's all about entertaining the people and not calling upon mystical spirits or powers. I used to finish the show thinking, "I can't believe I get paid to fool people." But truly, people are searching for something amazing. The problem is, that too often we look for something amazing that the world is offering us instead of looking at all the amazing things God is offering us. All the things in the world are smoke and mirrors. They are illusions. They do not last. In my past, I thought drugs were the key to enjoying life. I thought that if I could hallucinate a "good trip" every two weeks, I wouldn't care how crappy the rest of the week went. Lusting and adultery was another escape and alluring illusion. I thought that if I could catch the lust of a man, then I was "truly" beautiful and desired. But those were all illusions. Not only were they magic tricks, but they were life draining traps! It's like, people think that illusions are harmless because they aren't really there. However, if there was an illusion of a bridge over a chasm, and people when to walk on that fake bridge, then they would surely fall to their death! God doesn't want to lead us on with false promises. He backs all His promises up with a 100% guarantee. He is the real thing. He is not an illusion. He is also telling us the truth so that we can live a real, genuine life. Today, may my eyes be opened to the illusions that the world has set around me and may I choose God's truth always.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for being a truly amazing God. I know You are the real thing. Forgive me for seeking the illusions of the world. Keep me from straying. Lord, I pray for my loved ones, that they would no longer be bound by the magic of the world and that they would live in Your truth and love. I love You, Father. Thank You, Jesus, for breaking the spell and setting the captives free. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior I pray, Amen.

Turn from wickedness

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Psalm 1:3
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

This scripture is talking about the man who is righteous. This man meditates on the law of God day and night and he takes delight in God’s law. Also, the man who does not choose to be wicked is like a tree that never withers because it is planted by streams of water. The righteous man is fruitful and prosperous.

Acts 3:26
26When God raised up his servant, he sent him first to you to bless you by turning each of you from your wicked ways."

This talks about Jesus, whom God raised up for the redemption of all mankind. Before Jesus was crucified, He was sent to the people to bless them. The blessing is the gift of repentance so that those who were living in the ways of wickedness could turn and live in righteousness.

Oh Lord, help me to always be a righteous person. I see how easily a person can fall back into their flesh’s wicked ways. I know that I am doing really well right now, but it’s like if I sort of side eye, and look a bit behind me, I see the devil crouching at my heal, waiting for me to turn around. What I am learning today is that I cannot turn around. I must cling to God’s word and His promises. If I press on towards God’s purity and holiness, I will be that tree planted by streams of water. My hope lies in this…that I don’t have to overcome wickedness on my own. I have the strength of Jesus Christ within me, alive and kicking, helping me to overcome whatever temptation may come my way. Whenever I sense myself drifting, I need to repent and come back to Jesus. As I check my heart this morning, where do I see myself drifting towards wickedness? Well, I can tell that if I let my physical fatigue get to me that will keep me from doing God’s work. Also, I can get upset pretty easily, so I must always remember to have patience and joy in my “initial reaction” pocket. Finally, I see that fear is still keeping me from facing my giants. So daily applying what I learned in Saturday’s devotion, to only fear the Lord, is very important in keeping to righteousness. I claim God’s blessing. I stand on His promise.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your word. Lord, I love You and I desire to be made holy and righteous. Please forgive me for my sins. Lord, I run from wickedness and I pursue You! Keep me from sinning. Please help me especially in the areas of physical endurance, reactions, and fears. I trust in You alone. I dedicate my heart, my life, my family to You once again. In Jesus Christ’s precious name I pray, Amen.

Fear

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Nehemiah 6:9, 14, & 19
9For they all wanted to frighten us, thinking, "Their hands will drop from the work, and it will not be done." But now, O God, strengthen my hands...14 Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, O my God, according to these things that they did, and also the prophetess Noadiah and the rest of the prophets who wanted to make me afraid...19Also they spoke of his good deeds in my presence and reported my words to him. And Tobiah sent letters to make me afraid.

Nehemiah 5:9 & 15
9So I said, "The thing that you are doing is not good. Ought you not to walk in the fear of our God to prevent the taunts of the nations our enemies?...15The former governors who were before me laid heavy burdens on the people and took from them for their daily ration forty shekels of silver. Even their servants lorded it over the people. But I did not do so, because of the fear of God.

The only fear Nehemiah had, was the fear of God. Although there were many threatening things happening all around him, he chose to only fear the Lord. God doesn't want us to live in fear of man. He doesn't want us to be afraid of what may happen to us in this world. What God does want, is for us to cling to Him. If I only fear the Lord, I have nothing else to fear. If I respect His word and what He thinks of my sin, then I'll have nothing else to be afraid of because His righteousness will protect me and cover me.

Are there things that I am afraid of? Well, I guess I do worry a lot. I think worry comes from fear. I am afraid of cockroaches, my uncle, walking alone at night, & getting mugged. I am afraid of being displeasing to people. I am afraid of being unknown. I am afraid of being ugly. I'm afraid of being a "failure". So what do I do about all these fears? I know that there are many more that I can't even list here. But, I guess the truth is, I can only overcome these fears by fearing God above all this and also understanding His perfect love for me. God loves me. His Word says it over and over again. Jesus is the biggest example of God's love for me! If I ever forget that God loves me, then of course I will want to hide in fear from the world. But God tells me to be bold and courageous. Where do I get that courage from? Where did Nehemiah get that courage from? It's from the fear of the Lord. God is bigger than all the things the world can throw at me. Anything that life deals me, I can handle because my God is to be feared and He loves me. He will protect me and provide for me. He will never forsake me. Of course if I run out from His covering, I'll have much to be afraid of in this life. But God promises that if I stick close to Him, I'll have His covering always.

Heavenly Father, thank you so much for Your word this morning. I thank You for Your faithfulness. I thank You that You are an awesome God. You are almighty and worthy of my utmost respect. I fear You, Lord. I fear You alone. All other things in my life are so small compared to Your awesomeness. I love You. Thank You for loving me, God. May Your perfect love drive out all fear. I pray for Your will to be done today and always. In Jesus Christ's perfect and fearsome name I pray, Amen.

The gender of our baby...revealed!

Today, Hanzo and I went for our ultrasound and we found out that our baby BOY is developing just fine! The baby weighs 10 oz. and it's heart beat and organs look healthy and normal. We are so excited to be having a boy! Our due date is March 2, 2009 and I'm at 20 weeks as of today. We are set on naming him Lion Kenshin Hamamura. It's a bit unorthodox, but trust me, it'll grow on you. lol! My morning sickness has dwindled down to merely acid reflux, so I'm happily eating more and putting on the pounds. Here is a photo of all of us and one of just me and baby.

Shrewdness

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Luke 16:11 & 12
11So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? 12And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?

Jesus is teaching the people and He tells them the story of the shrewd manager. This manager heard that he would loose his job because he was being dishonest in his managing, so he decided to make friends with the debtors and told them to make their debt to the master less. The master was actually pleased with the man for dealing with the debtors shrewdly. I had to look up this word and it says that shrewd means intelligent and making good judgments. I looked up other translations of this word and it said says prudent as well. Prudent is to be wise in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense. Then Jesus says that if we aren’t trustworthy in handling our worldly wealth, then God will not trust us with true riches. Stewardship comes to mind. Also, material blessing comes to mind.

Hanzo and I have been unexpectedly blessed financially this month. God has answered our prayer in abundance and yet, I sense that this is a test. Will we resort to our old ways and purchase things that we don’t need? Will we hoard up our wealth so that when the dry seasons come, we’ll have something to live off of comfortably? Or will we let it go to whatever God tells us to release it to? Although we aren’t rich, we surely feel a sense of confusion as to what to do with the excess funds. My initial instinct is to save. I like to put away so that once a large amount has accumulated, then I can spend it on something really nice or necessary. For example, I would love to put away some for a family car or van. Or even for the down payment on a house. I even feel like we should put a portion in a separate savings account for the baby’s college tuition. But there is a voice I’m hearing that says, “Give it to those in need.” Plus, there are so many people that I have been wanting to buy gifts and send graduation money to, etc. that I haven’t been able to because we have been poor. I have several gifts that need to be mailed to friends and there are other interns and couples struggling financially. Especially since this money was a blessing from a friend, not anything that we could have earned on our own, then I shouldn’t portion it out for selfish things. I would love to use it all to pay off my debt, but then again, there isn’t enough for that, and it would set us a bit out of the hole, but we would be “poor” again. The best thing I can do is pray that God would tell us exactly how to use that money and that we would be obedient in doing just that.

Heavenly Father, I know that You want to refine my heart and my character. I pray for Your forgiveness and for Your redeeming grace. Please guide us in exactly how we should use this money. I am willing to use it to bless others! I am willing to be shrewd in my stewardship of it. Please speak clearly to me and Hanzo and compel us to be obedient to You. In Jesus’ precious name I pray, Amen.