Whole-heartedly

2 Chronicles 25:¹⁴After Amaziah came from striking down the Edomites, he brought the gods of the men of Seir and set them up as his gods and worshiped them, making offerings to them. ¹⁵Therefore the LORD was angry with Amaziah and sent to him a prophet, who said to him, "Why have you sought the gods of a people who did not deliver their own people from your hand?"

Amaziah sought the Lord only half-heartedly. When the man of God gave Amaziah counsel the first time, he listened. He dismissed a hired army so that the victory would belong to God's people alone. But after he struck down the Edomites, he took the idols from the people he deafeated and worshiped them himself. Then, when God sent another prophet, Amaziah refused to heed his counsel. Very stupid.

I've been wanting to just write out my thoughts. I kind of have been down lately and I don't know why. I don't really know where it came from. I had trouble falling asleep last night and then I woke up before the baby woke up. It's good though because that is how I'm able to do my devotion right now. However, I must admit, I'm thinking about all the sleep I'm missing instead of all the rest, peace, and knowlege I'm gaining from this devotion. Why do I do that? Why do I, like Amaziah, place things above God. Sleep doesn't give me rest. Only God gives me rest. Why do I attribute glory to things of this world. Why have I been so weak lately? I'm really feeling insecure. I don't think I'm a good mommy. I don't think I'm keeping the home in order. Nor do I feel like I'm accomplishing much. I guess I'm so used to seeing rewards and praise for my efforts immediately. Hanzo was right in saying that I'll probably need to see the man that Lion becomes before I actually feel like I'm a good mom. So, I have all this head knowlege about how I'm supposed to cast my cares on the Lord and find my strength in the joy of the Lord. Now, how do I apply it in this current situation? How do I, now that I'm in the thick of my emotions, drop what I feel for what I know is right? I certainly don't want to be stupid. I certainly don't want to stray from God's favor. I just need to "do it"! I just need to abandon my old ways of thinking and put on the mind of Christ. I need to stop buying into the lies about my insecurities and find my true identity in Christ. I am His. He loves me. He desires me to fulfill His purposes. He's chosen me to be Lion's mom. I'm the best mom for Lion. I'm beautiful in God's sight. I'm precious because of the blood of Christ. I will worship God alone. I refuse to allow my praise to go to worldly idols, even to sleep and food. He is my all in all. His timing is perfect.

Heavenly Father, I am a sinner. Forgive me for being so consumed with my emotions that I forgot to keep my eyes fixed on You. Lord, please help me to do what I know is right! Jesus, please cover me. May I only see You, Lord, when I look at myself. I repent from worshiping the idols of this world. I ask for Your Holy Spirit to empower me to desire and do Your will. I love You, Lord. I flee from this pity party. I run to You. Thank You for accepting me into Your loving embrace. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.