Lord, whip my butt into shape!

I don't understand why every couple of weeks I get bit by a lazy bug. I don't want to do my devos early in the morning, I don't want to take my dietary supplements, I don't want to do anything disciplined, period. I hate it when I'm like this. I have somehow let go of my motivation. I then proceed to go through the motions so that I don't feel guilty later but while I'm going through the motions, I feel really yucky, like I have no joy and I'm forcing myself to do things. Ugh! I feel so gross right now. Even though I know that I will learn a lot from God in my devotion and that it is the right thing to do, my flesh is crawling! Yikes! Get me out of my skin, O God! I hate this feeling!

Hebrews 10:¹⁹ Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Paul is encouraging the Hebrew Christians to be confident in their faith. He is telling them to draw near to Christ with a true heart, a clean conscience, and purified bodies. Christians need to encourage one another in the faith because our faith does tend to waiver and the day of Christ is drawing closer and closer.

This scripture has revealed to me why I feel the way I feel. I've not been encouraged in my faith but also, more importantly, I've let myself go without even realizing it. Now, I see it all. I've neglected my daily disciplines and so my spiritual discipline is also being neglected. I have dishes in the sink, thinking that I'll wash them later. I haven't taken a shower, thinking that since tomorrow morning I'm going walking and going to get sweaty, that I shouldn't waste my time and effort. Paul says that we need to wash our bodies with pure water! I feel grimey and sweaty so of course I feel irritable. I skipped my devo yesterday morning. That already set me up to think that I don't need to do my devo today. I start compromising on the little things and then those little things become big things. I figured that I didn't need to do my devotion yesterday because I was going to church. Also, I thought that since my dad was going to church, I did a good enough thing and so I didn't want to "over do it" on the good things list. I've been eating whipped cream and truthfully it's becoming the only thing I want to eat. I look at my pills and I'm like, "yuck, who wants to take those? Not me." Geez, as I'm writing this, I see how selfish and stupid I am! My faith needs to be proactive. I need to draw near to Christ. No one can draw near to Him for me.

Heavenly Father, I admit...I'm so lazy, stupid, self-centered, and stubborn. I'm sorry I allowed my slothfulness to overtake me. Lord, help me to repent. I want to turn completely from all this. I want to be pure, holy, and righteous before You. I know for a fact that I'm totally blowing it. Even though I forced myself to do my devotion, I know that I'm still like 90% wanting to do my own thing. Lord, I ask that You whip my butt into shape! Really, hit me over the head so that I think straight. Jesus Christ, I'm sorry for grieving You. I'm sorry for being selfish. Please take over my thoughts, my heart, my body, and my spirit so that I can properly repent before God. I love You, Lord. I'm sorry and I'm drawing near to You. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.